I don’t really remember how I slept that first night, but Saturday morning I woke up and The Man had already gone to work. I was determined I wasn’t going to worry, I had already prayed and prayed and would give to all to God. It was a sweet surprise waking up to rain that morning. It was a beautiful morning, The Bundle and I went out to the deck to admire the rain and drink some homemade hot cocoa. I spent time with God, praying and reading His word. Then I went to our church website, it plays random worship songs, and the most perfect song came on that morning for my aching heart. It’s called Bring the Rain by Mercy Me, if you’ve never heard it, look it up, it’s beautiful. This was no doubt the work of the Lord.
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there’ll be days
When this life brings me pain
…But if that’s what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain
That night we sent an email to our church’s prayer chain, to let people know that we were in need of prayer. Then Sunday we went to church and it was a lot easier than I thought it would be, a few people asked about it and we told them that we were waiting to get another ultrasound. Monday I went to work, when I got home that evening, Pam called me, she had gotten the report but it didn’t say much. The baby’s growth is right on track, there was no previa, they found a cyst behind the cerebellum and that it could be either a “mega cisterna magna” or an “arachnoid cyst”. As soon as getting off the phone , I did more reasearch and I read that a cyst can cause hydrocephalus. I broke down. I went to our bedroom to lay down and cry, but the Bundle was taking a nap, so I only made it to the bathroom. There I was in misery, laying on the bathroom floor, crying out to God. Asking Him “Why? Why? Why?” over and over. That was my worst day. The Man came in the bathroom and held me for a while and reassured me to trust God, that we don’t know for sure what it is yet. After some time, I finally stopped crying and decided that that was my last cry. And it has been! After I got up I opened the blinds in the dining room windows and saw a beautiful sunset. Then these words came into my head “God is still God.”
On Tuesday I called the perinatal office to see if they had scheduled an appointment for me and they had, it’s tomorrow morning! I was so relieved because we thought it would take up to two weeks of waiting. I was able to get through today and I can’t wait to finally know what is going on with my baby girl!
A very respectable lady, whom I have known since I was 12 told The Man that the trials we go through in life are like lifting weights: We do not gain muscle if we don’t lift weights.
I have learned to trust the Lord so much in these last few days. It’s gotten me closer to Him, and maybe that’s what his desired outcome was. It’s so easy to rejoice in the happy times but we should also rejoice when we are going through trouble.