A thought, today.

I have many, many dreams, hopes and wishes for my family. One of the closest to my heart is being a “full-time mom”. I like to call it that because in truth, that’s what it is, when a mother works, she can’t dedicate her full attention to her children, even after coming home the stresses of the day wear you down. Sometimes when coming home all you want to do is have some “you” time. And when I say “you” I speak for myself, because I’ve been there.
I’m lucky to only work part time. Two days one week and three the next. It wasn’t always like that, though. When the Bundle was first born, I took two months off of maternity leave (unpaid, of course), our plan was for me to go back to work for “a few” months until we paid off our medical expenses for her birth and a credit card. I was ecstatic, finally, my dream was almost reachable. But then, an unforeseen situation came up, I had to have emergency surgery, appendicitis, four months after the Bundle’s birth. That added to our “to pay” list before I could quit working. At the end of that same month, October, our lease was ending on our house, my parents offered us to move in with them to help us pay off our bill sooner. After some convincing (the Man trying to convince me) we agreed. Maybe we could even save enough to buy a house!
So, at the end of October, we moved in, we packed all our belongings, stored most of them and brought essentials into my tiny childhood bedroom. It was tough, of course, I get along with my parents well enough and so does The Man, but you still lack that privacy, especially to enjoy your precious little newborn. We were settled and excited to pay off what needed to be paid off, but then a few weeks into this new chapter, we received a big blow. The Man was laid-off from his well paying job.
I’m not going to lie. I was devastated. There were times where I just broke down and cried. Then, I finally realized something beautiful. God’s amazing way of always providing! Even before we knew about The Man’s upcoming lay-off, God placed it in my parents’ heart to ask us to move in. Without my husband’s income there is no way we would have made it with all those extra bills. I was still angry for months to come, questioning God, I saw friends around me being stay at home mothers with what seemed no effort at all. I wanted that!
That winter was difficult because we were really busy at work. I worked five days a week. I left home around 6:30 in the morning and sometimes wouldn’t make it back until 5 or 6! I cried and cried, because I was away from my child so long during the day. What made me feel better was that her daddy was with her and that she was still receiving Mama’s milk (I expressed). Later The Man got a part time job, which offered a little more money, it seems like whenever we needed money, it always showed up, at the perfect time. I began to recognize God’s hand in all of that and in turned gained peace. The Bundle was with Nana, who else could love her more than her parents than her grandmother?
Spring came and I was able to work less during the weeks, it was great. In the summer, reduced my schedule to what I work now. That same time The Man and his brother and father had an opportunity to open a restaurant. It doesn’t make great money but it has provided us with money. In late August we were able to finally move out of my parents’ house. A one bedroom duplex. Small, but enough.
I said all that to say this: sometimes it’s not possible to be a stay at home mom, but if you have the opportunity, I hope to you take it and realize the enormous impact it will have on your children. Your career can wait, and so can your education, but your children only grow up once.
I found peace in knowing that we just cannot afford for me to stay home. It took time for me to realize that. I’ve been thinking about it more and more lately because I will have another one here before long and my biggest wish, of course, is to be there for my new child. Time will only tell.
But I don’t seize hoping, wishing and praying.

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One thought on “A thought, today.

  1. Pingback: Separation Anxiety « Life Snap

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